Christmas Gift Ideas

Anyone you know tough to buy for this Christmas season? Here is a couple of ideas - Looking for someone to go on the Proffitt Sandwich run this month - anyone interested, let me know. If you don't know what it is, there's a link along the side of this page somewhere.

Thanks to a friend, who I totally stole this video link from.

Some rules for us to live by

So I've spent the last few posts having a little fun - teasing those of you who call raises looking for runner-runners, aces on the river, and other various suck-out specials. and I think most of us every once in a while feel like screaming when we see some of that harry-high-school BS take the money right out of our hands.

If you've never gotten into playing online, and had taken some impressions of the whole matter from my last few rants, I'd have to guess that I wouldn't exactly be doing much of a sales job on the whole thing. If you can blow 60 bucks on one day of bad beats and goofy card-god screw jobs, why is it worth risking anything on it at all?

But know that in the long haul, I've made a little extra spending CAYSH (as well as some sentimental purchases, i.e. first car) through the whole process, and typically you can do the same if you have the ability to do so.

Bankroll

There are a lot of ideas already out there on this matter. This is my feeling:

Don't buy in with $50 bucks and expect to cash out $500 by the end of the week.

Sometimes I think back to my $10 bucks to $850 buck run of a couple of years ago. You can't really think about that kind of stuff with any realistic expectation of it happening. These rediculous goals will get you into games that are too high limit for your bankroll (entering a $20 buck tourney with $50 bucks to work with).

Listen, only play with what you can afford to lose. Make it a goal to never put money in more than once. (I haven't put any in in almost a year). If you want to start out with $50, thats cool, but play with the expectation of winning 5-10 bucks in a week. Seriously, thats almost a %20 return, and that beats the hell out of any stock or bond, so look at it that way!

Also, a word on what type of games to play:

I will say this:

1. I hate cash games where buy in is $50 or less. This money means little to most of the people playing and it shows. You will either be up $100 in an hour, or out your whole $50. At least in my experience.

2. I never play re-buy/add-ons. Ever.

As for the rest? I am not sure, I think you can safely do about anything else. The low limit games will be wild, and bad beats will get you from time to time. But hey, it is also the 'easiest money', so there ya go.

Oh, and I would never ever get into this stuff without at least 15X20 banked in the limit you are playing. What I mean is this:

If you play $20 NL sit and go's, I'd think you should start with a minimum of $300-400. That way, ifyou lose 6-7 in a row, you can still win 3 and be right where you started. If you lose 6-7 in a row startin with $200-100, than, well, goodbye money.

As far as cash, if you have $400, than I'd get into cash games. If not, I personally wouldn't start getting involved at all, because no limit is small enough to be adequately backed by $100 or less.

Strategy: What to play

Determine what you are good at. Try to stick to it. I love tournaments. I think it was born from beginning my play with no real bankroll, without the ability to win any big stakes unless I won a HUGE tournament. So, my style is suited to knocking out bad players, winning a few big hands, trying to stay afloat long enough to make a run and becoming a factor to win the whole thing in the end. My style isn't that loose, so if I don't get cards I can lose a good deal of money from the blinds and loose calls in a cash game. Also, I rarely feel that much satisfaction winning 1%-10% of my starting bankroll at a table, which you need to learn to do in order to make consistent money in ring games. To steal a line from the Boo-yah! king, "Bulls make money, Bears make money, Hogs get slaughtered." So if you like to make steady cash and have the skill to handle big swings, be a cash game guy. If you like the challenge of bearing down to win the big prize, I'd suggest learning tournament play.

More on picking your games...

Once you realize what you are good at, I would suggest sticking to it. Let me give you a common mistake I make:

10$ NL sit-n-go, 3rd place

10$ NL sit-n-go, 2nd place

10$ NL sit-n-go, DNF

10$ NL sit-n-go, 1st place

30$ NL sit-n-go, DNF

so lets see, we won %60 that day. Took home a 1st, 2nd, and 3rd place all within one day, and what is there to show for it?

Less than 25 bucks. Wanna see how?

(10+1)4 = 44

(30 +3) = 33

total spent = 77

$20 win

$30 win

$50 win

total winning = 100

+/- = $23

$23?? demoralizing!!! You just won %60 of your matches and only walked away with 30% profit.

True, one 1st place in the $30 game using the winnings from the other games would have been a BIG BIG gain. And once in a while, (if you are playing with winnings on the day) you can go ahead and do this, BUT, statistically, you're not likely to cash in %80 your tourneys in a day. The best guys are somewhere around %50 of them.

Had I stuck with the gameplan for the day:

$10 NL sit-n-go = 3rd place

$10 NL sit-n-go = 2nd place

$10 NL sit-n-go = DNF

$10 NL sit-n-go = 1st place

$10 NL sit-n-go = DNF

Winnings = $100

Spent = $55

+/- = $45

Almost %90 profit!

Again, you can try to cash in on a good day by increasing the limits you are playing sometimes, but realize its BAD ODDS. You're prowess at playing DOES make you a good contender to win at any level, but the laws of statistics can't be ignored, and no matter who you are, winning a big streak of games in a row isn't likely. All it is likely to do is make you angry you did all that winning and ended up with little to show for it. This could lead to going on tilt next time, trying to get back all that "imagined profit" you "should have had".

Anyway, any ideas of your own, feel free to comment and I will post them. I would continue, but I gotta run and see if I find any good Christmas presents for the family.....

If you are good at poker, you can make some money. If you think it's the lotto, it will end up being the lotto. And how many of your friends have won the lotto?

Cheat at Poker. 100% Legal!

I am about to reveal to you a foolproof way to cheat at online poker. It's totally legal and can be used at a variety of sites, such as absolute, bodog..etc. Its been working now for too long, and I feel like I must finally put a kabash to this once and for all. This is no poker scam or computer program, this is most effective form of cheating available, and I trust that you all will use this information for the greater good, instead of evil (riiiiiiggghhhht hah).





What is this?





Its so simple, its painful.











Ready?



































Yes. that's right. People are putting up pictures of hot girls as their "player faces" or "player pics" or whatever you call them. They are the images that show up around the table on the sites that allow for images.


How is this cheating? What are you suggesting? Are you suggesting that people will intentionally lose their money to players who they think are hot girls?


I am not suggesting that. I am telling you that. This is a fact.

I have many stories that completely prove this to be true, but my favorite is from a Multi-Table $50 NL/Hold-Em tourney I played a while ago. There were somewhere around 300 players in the tournament, and I ended up at a table with one player who had a picture up of a pretty attractive woman. Regardless of whether or not it was really her was besides the point.

This player, we will call her {pokergirl} - had about 1/10th the average stack with around 100 players left to go. She pushed a couple of times, even out of position, in a desperate attempt to hang around. Something kept happening.

Everyone would fold.
"NH {pokergirl}"
"{pokergirl}, where in TX are you from?"
"I'd like to see ya stick around {pokergirl}".

At first I didn't believe what I was seeing. People were folding in situations you HAD to call. People with big blinds out that were about 7/8ths the size of her whole stack. No matter what, she NEVER had to go all-in against more than one person.

Everytime someone would call her all-in, everyone after would fold religiously.

"Go {pokergirl}!"
"You are on one heckuva run baby!"
"VNH {pokergirl}"
"way to go!"


It was insane. After about an hour of this I realized, these people weren't even playing poker. I was sitting at a table of 9 (probably 10) grown men, all flirting with the photograph they saw on the screen.

"Aw thanks u guys!" she would say.
"u guyz are sweet!~@"
"nh {dumbass cracker} - ure quite a playa!"

{Pokergirl} was playing right into it, too. And loving every second of it. She/He stayed at around 1/10th - 1/15th the average stack, for WAY longer than humanly possible in a card game. Everytime someone had a chance to knock her out, it was folded. Everytime she was on the big blind, everyone became as active as Dan Harrington in a coma.

Not only were people acting directly into the interests of this {pokergirl}, but the dudes around the table even decided to have contests of manliness every 2 or 3 hands, where big stacks were going at each other with the ferocity of a wolverine, and the intelligence of a donkey.

I know poker players are often big dumb idiots. But even I never thought it would get to be this bad.


{pokergirl} never once had more chips than me at the table except once. She ended up finishing in 8th place -- not bad considering she should've been gone 3 hours before that. I ended up making a little coin as well, taking 12th place. But I left with a taste of injustice in my mouth, for I had seen the best con-job ever pulled at a poker table, and I hated {pokergirl} for it.

Why? Well, again, simple. I was mad that I didn't think of it first.


Giving your money away to a hot girl at the poker table will not help your chances of sleeping with her. Especially if the girl is 12,301 miles away, and also happens to be a 45 year-old balding man.

An Ode to the Skill of Online Poker Players: A Tale of 60 Dollars.

To those who recieved a portion of my 60 dollars last night, I bid you congratulations!

You, who called me with 10 4 offsuit, against my AQ suited, you stole the last 5 dollars from the gold rush bonanza that was my small bankroll yesterday evening. You got the last lucky buck from my brimming plethora of cowboy coin! You especially had me when that A 10 5 flop came, you knew exactly how to push my buttons! Whether it was the re-raise you called on the turn, where an 8 of clubs quietly clouded my visions of victory, or the mastery in which you called my 400 chip raise on the river, I can say little more than bravo. You never forgot that old mantra, "Call the pre-flop raise with any two, and wait for the 10 on the river save you."

But you, sir, were but a small winner in yesterday's who's who of poker genius and skill last evening. Others made off with much more of my foolish bounty! For instance, how about the owner of the K5 that hit on the river against my JJ! Whoever that savy smithy of cardsmanship was, you my friend, are an idol and an inspiration! The poise you showed when calling those lowly JJ preflop, 7 handed, was only surpassed by the ferocity you showed in your finishing "All-in" after the K on the river! Alas! I have forgotten your budda-like wisdom and grace while making the substantial blind calls on the turn and 4th street! Surely knowing I held top pair until the very end, you baited me and baited me until I couldn't help but fall for your irresistible K5 beartrap.

There is so many others, I wish I had the voice to boom my heartfelt praise upon you all from the highest mountain! I can at least take comfort knowing I was not befuddled and confounded by mere fools: you are all masters of your craft. I will take your lessons, oh poker prophets, and with great perseverence and persistence, I hope to one day achieve your levels of enlightenment. I realize this will take time, for I know I don't possess the guile nor the God-given ability to play 84 off-suit all in heads up, short-stacked after having tricked the opponent into thinking they had the match won by letting them call with AQ suited. Boy, when that 84 hit and won the pot, your moxy and grit showed through like no other. Imagine my surprise, however, when I learned that the skill you displayed in that hand was not reserved to a single showing! The 7J off suit seemed small at first against my A10, but as the cards fell down I realized that I was once again part of a plan much too grandiose for my short vision to fully comprehend. I'm guessing I was blessed enough to see a small glimpse of it, though, when later in the match I felt compelled to raise your "call" offering with KQ, only to be outrun to the finish line by K8.

Encore, Encore!!

When my 10 Q hit on the 10 Q 8 flop in the 6 handed $12 game, I was a bit down on my luck and waiting to strike back against the countless cash capers that had confounded me. In this particular case, my 400 chip raise to the man that had out lasted me with such great hands as Q4 suited and 610 of diamonds seemed like a noble effort to return some of the game's chips to their once rightful owner. But like a great poker legend, you knew when to put the hammer down. "J9 is all he can beat me with" I said to myself in a desperate attempt to win the prize, trying to feel a smile coming on inside over what I thought was an impending vict'ry.

The showdown was my instead to my demise, as your skillful CGI hands flipped over the winning hand, J9. My will dashed once again, I thought your play to be childish and reckless, one that relied simply on luck and a prayer. That was, until, I realized that you had called my 4X big blind raise before the flop! Ha, I truly am an apprentice, fine sir, and you, you are the master.


I do have one small crumb of hope however. It is this, though these poker lessons I have been taught are still above my current level of comprehension, another lesson of easier digestion has come to rest alongside. I've learned that when playing for such small fortunes as the ones I play for, card playing even as poorly novice as mine, catches enough lucky twists of fate to return a small profit.




When playing for less than $20 at a time, know that you will have days where you should be up $160, BUT some dickhead had a horseshoe up his ass.