My Message Regarding Sports

I have a simple message regarding sports: it comes in two forms.

Message #1: If you call in a sports talk show, you not are bringing to light anything new that someone who is actually playing or coaching the team hasn't already noticed or addressed 10 times over. Simply put, if you do not like what you see, it is simply a difference of opinion between you and the coach/player. You may not like the athlete/coach's decisions or rationale, and you may be correct in second guessing it, but it never has to do with you discovering something that hasn't been addressed already. If you think you are coming up with a new idea or grand theory involving your favorite sports team, it is only new and grand to you. In reality, all that means is that it is terribly stupid - so stupid, in fact, that no other person on earth has been dense enough to offer it up as a thought. No, your suggestion of a 7 man pitching rotation to save the arms of your best pitchers is not a good idea. No, your idea of starting Kyle Orton over Rex Grossman is not a good one. No, the Cubs should not bat Carlos Zambrano in the #4 hole when he pitches. Listen, I hate to say it, but the reason why I have a hard time following sports coverage and sports talk isn't because I have low interest in the subject matter; I have a boundless interest. What I cannot listen to is people who have absolutely no idea what they are talking about proclaiming things like they are gospel when they haven't a clue what they are saying. Sadly, this isn't just addressed to the average dumb sports fan. This extends to media members who have been in the business for 30+ years. I once heard a favorite radio host of mine bet his life, on the air, that when there are runners on the corners and less than 2 out, that the correct play ISN'T to run for home plate immediately when the ball hits the ground off the bat (for those who played baseball, we know it is a contact play). Anyway, he mocked a caller who suggested that you WERE supposed to run, and then when the host had the audacity to call up the Sox third base coach Joey Cora to ask if running on contact was the right play, Cora made him eat crow when he told him "of course you go on contact, every team in the MLB does that - its not even a question." The host then tried to backpedal for 20 minutes, saying in his 20 years of covering baseball, he has never seen teams do that.

News flash for you buddy. They all do that. They have - forever. This isn't some new baseball thing - this is how the game is played, and the average fan has NO IDEA that things like that go on during the game, thats why he never noticed in 20 years. All the average fan does is see a guy score or get tagged out, and then say "what a great play" or "what a stupid play". The average fan couldn't even tell you why something like the contact play exists, and why it is the correct baseball play. In fact, I bet the average person reading this diatribe doesn't even follow what I am talking about.

This totally proves my point again. If you can't follow this, do not offer your sports knowledge. Ever. Please. Just cheer, be happy when there is a win, and sad when there is a loss. I am not saying you can't become an expert in a certain sport, but it takes some actual studying and some actual time.


Message # 2:
If you are an athlete or your kid is an athlete, and you think you are good and will become a big time pro one day, ask yourself a few questions:

1. Am I the best player I know at this sport?
2. Am I clearly more athletic than everyone else around me?
3. Do I do more than excel, do I utterly dominate?

If you are below the major college sports level and cannot answer yes to these three questions, I have some news for you. You are not as good as you think you are. In fact, you might not even be good. You MAY, if you work hard, have the potential to make it, and by that I mean a 1/10000th chance. But do not for a second think you are God's gift to a sport. Have fun, play hard. Laugh and have a good time. But please, understand the level of play you think you are one day aspiring to. Sports on TV look a lot easier than they really are, because the best 20-30 in the world at what they do are going at each other at any given event, and the skill levels tend to nullify each other. Are you a big, powerful hitter that can hit a homerun? Cool. Does that make you Alex Rodriguez? Not exactly. Think hitting 10 homeruns in a row in batting practice means you have skills? Can you do the same thing...off of a batting tee? Didn't think so. Again, let me reiterate, tens of millions of people end up competing for the spots you see on TV in your favorite sport(s). Many of these people are so physically gifted that it is borderline in-human.

I hope everyone achieves their playing dreams, lord knows I loved following mine. I do hope that everyone has some perspective on those things, however, and do not lose focus of what makes sports so great and so important - the lessons in life and the fun we derive from them.

The following clips cover a variety of sports and many do not even showcase the world's best talent at their sport (except for the soccer clips, which come from Premier League and World Cup caliber players). As you will see, these clips will bring to light a small portion of these athlete's outrageous athletic abilities. It will also clearly illustrate the point that there are not only a couple hundred people in each major sport that have ability well beyond the normal person's wildest fantasies, but also there are usually another 500-1000 or so right behind them that have the same ridiculous ability, but just can't put it to practice consistently enough to be the best in the world at what they do. Anyway, enjoy the videos. Next time you think you are athletic or think you are good at a sport, take a long, hard look at one of these and humble down.

Cheat at Poker. 100% Legal!

I am about to reveal to you a foolproof way to cheat at online poker. It's totally legal and can be used at a variety of sites, such as absolute, bodog..etc. Its been working now for too long, and I feel like I must finally put a kabash to this once and for all. This is no poker scam or computer program, this is most effective form of cheating available, and I trust that you all will use this information for the greater good, instead of evil (riiiiiiggghhhht hah).





What is this?





Its so simple, its painful.











Ready?



































Yes. that's right. People are putting up pictures of hot girls as their "player faces" or "player pics" or whatever you call them. They are the images that show up around the table on the sites that allow for images.


How is this cheating? What are you suggesting? Are you suggesting that people will intentionally lose their money to players who they think are hot girls?


I am not suggesting that. I am telling you that. This is a fact.

I have many stories that completely prove this to be true, but my favorite is from a Multi-Table $50 NL/Hold-Em tourney I played a while ago. There were somewhere around 300 players in the tournament, and I ended up at a table with one player who had a picture up of a pretty attractive woman. Regardless of whether or not it was really her was besides the point.

This player, we will call her {pokergirl} - had about 1/10th the average stack with around 100 players left to go. She pushed a couple of times, even out of position, in a desperate attempt to hang around. Something kept happening.

Everyone would fold.
"NH {pokergirl}"
"{pokergirl}, where in TX are you from?"
"I'd like to see ya stick around {pokergirl}".

At first I didn't believe what I was seeing. People were folding in situations you HAD to call. People with big blinds out that were about 7/8ths the size of her whole stack. No matter what, she NEVER had to go all-in against more than one person.

Everytime someone would call her all-in, everyone after would fold religiously.

"Go {pokergirl}!"
"You are on one heckuva run baby!"
"VNH {pokergirl}"
"way to go!"


It was insane. After about an hour of this I realized, these people weren't even playing poker. I was sitting at a table of 9 (probably 10) grown men, all flirting with the photograph they saw on the screen.

"Aw thanks u guys!" she would say.
"u guyz are sweet!~@"
"nh {dumbass cracker} - ure quite a playa!"

{Pokergirl} was playing right into it, too. And loving every second of it. She/He stayed at around 1/10th - 1/15th the average stack, for WAY longer than humanly possible in a card game. Everytime someone had a chance to knock her out, it was folded. Everytime she was on the big blind, everyone became as active as Dan Harrington in a coma.

Not only were people acting directly into the interests of this {pokergirl}, but the dudes around the table even decided to have contests of manliness every 2 or 3 hands, where big stacks were going at each other with the ferocity of a wolverine, and the intelligence of a donkey.

I know poker players are often big dumb idiots. But even I never thought it would get to be this bad.


{pokergirl} never once had more chips than me at the table except once. She ended up finishing in 8th place -- not bad considering she should've been gone 3 hours before that. I ended up making a little coin as well, taking 12th place. But I left with a taste of injustice in my mouth, for I had seen the best con-job ever pulled at a poker table, and I hated {pokergirl} for it.

Why? Well, again, simple. I was mad that I didn't think of it first.


Giving your money away to a hot girl at the poker table will not help your chances of sleeping with her. Especially if the girl is 12,301 miles away, and also happens to be a 45 year-old balding man.