$56.34

Update.

1:50 a.m.

26th place.

$56.34

King-sized Folds

So after taking down another $100 in sit-n-go's last night after a brief pull-back a few nights ago, I have a few observations:

I don't think I've played in one tournament, big or small, where I moneyed and I didn't lay down at least one huge hand. For example, this past evening, I lead out with about 1/8th of my stack with KK, and got one caller. The flop hit A 8 5, and my bet on the flop was immediately raised. It was pretty obvious I was up against Aces, and when the A came on the turn, my check and eventual fold came as a bit of a disappointment. I was stuck with only 60% of my original stack, and I felt a little gypped.

45 minutes later, I took 3rd out of 18 and took home a little cash to soothe my ego.

Point being? I might have gotten bluffed out of that pot from a smaller PP, but that was the ONLY hand that could have bluffed me. QQ or JJ was a possibility, but every other hand that would've called me, typically A2-AJ, was more than likely what i was up against. Even though it would have been a "bad beat", there was more sense in swallowing a small defeat than trying to be macho and go down in flames.

The most common sign of an idiot player (and/or new player) is their insistence on playing cards that cannot win, just because pre-flop they had a monster. Listen, you may have gotten a caller and started a hand at an 80% favorite, but after the flop, you could be a 15% underdog. There's no glory in proudly emptying your pockets out trying to win on that 15%, just because you "should've won", and the guy that called you is "such a donkey".

It doesn't make a difference, you still lost all your money. Now who's the donkey?

Poker:Music:Goodwill:Fitness:Humor:Me

Poker:
I won 4 straight single-table tournaments at the 20/2 level a couple of weeks ago. Talk about a crazy run. All in all, there was a stretch of 8 of 10 placed in the money. To be fair, I got some real lucky turns and rivers along the way - as well as one game in particular where I couldn't avoid getting dealt PP after PP. Sometimes the gods smile.

Music:
Songs Ive recently learned (piano):

Boston - Augustana
Brick - Ben Folds Five
A Message - Coldplay

Songs I want to learn:

Good -Better Than Ezra
Mad World - Gary Jules
Come and Go - Virginia Coalition


Songs I already know:

The Scientist
Clocks
Fix You (half)
Lightning Crashes (half)
1000 Miles


Goodwill:

I recently gave blood the other day, and they have this crazy machine that can separate your platlets from your red blood cells. THEN, it spits the platelets back into your arm! What I didn't understand is 1. Why does that count for 2 pints of blood instead of 1, and 2. Why do I need the platelets back in the first place? Wouldn't that make really runny?

Fitness:

I pulled my calf doing sprints the other day. I'm old. I can do 35 pullups in a row, but apparently can't make it through 8 sprints anymore without needing an ice pack and a rub down.

Humor:
Gaffigan, Silverman, Curb's 6th Season?

"Oh Rocco, I hope you die in your sleep tonight." (as she pets her dog in bed) - possibly the best line I heard over the past few months.

"Good Morning! You're about to call in sick." - possibly the best standup skit I've seen.

Me: Status Quo. Sickening.

Deep Depression

So I haven't posted in a while - mostly because of one reason.

Internet poker is pretty much dead right now here in the U.S. And, quite frankly, it leaves me with the task of putting together little pieces on other topics -- and I'm struggling to find the inspiration. What is this without having good bad beat stories to vent about once in a while, or a story about a crazy tournament hand or priceless character at the table?

Personally, I'm dejected. I might have to take this in a different direction. UGH. CMON, U.S., this is a tired act. Since when is online poker morally reprehensible? How is this now illegal and fantasy football isn't? Just come up with some tax, and get it over with already. I want to play!

The "Cooler"

Poker tips for future Reno-goers:

* You'll find a preponderance of "2/4" games -- they are basically the same as slot machines. It might be "hold'em", but get serious.

* The morning tournaments at the casinos aren't serious either.

* When you are "the cooler", just stand up and cut your losses -- no matter how tempting it is that this is the only city anyone's ever seen "one-deck" blackjack.

* More later...

Smokin' Aces, Sun Valley Martinis, and Sushi Buffets: a trip to the biggest little city in the world.

It's almost that time of year for my annual trip to Reno, NV.

Before you out and out just ask "why?", know these important facts:

1. I won't get a chance to ski at Lake Tahoe.

2. I won't get a chance to hang with any friend(s) who even enjoy spending time outdoors.

3. There's a chance everything I own will smell like cigarettes + wet dog.

4. I'm gauranteed at least an 8 hour flight layover there and back.


Now we have that established, why in the world would I make such a trip?

***

The best way to describe the city of Reno, Nevada is to offer up a compare/contrast example. Everyone has probably heard about the Drive-Thru Wedding Chapels in Las Vegas, right? Some are "drive-thru", some are walk-in, all of them are used for haphazard legal unions that join two overserved individuals as one -- at least for the night. These are often times the oases that scared, excited young couples who run from home use to celebrate matrimony away from disapproving loved ones...etc.

Well, in Reno, they have these very same chapels. However, in the three days on earth that I have spent in that city, I never saw a couple stumble out of there giggling or laughing. I never saw two wild-eyed, lust-filled teens scamper in.

No. I saw groomsen. Bridesmaids. Half-dress/half-jean combos, cowboy hats with tuxedo pants and t-shirts with buttons. I saw best men and maids of honor. I saw family pictures and wedding vails galore.

You see, the walk-in chapels aren't used for that many exceedingly bad decisions made in haste.

They are home to exceedingly bad decisions made in earnest.

This fact is by far the best way I can characterize the city.

If that description doesn't sell you on why I can't wait to get back, than maybe knowing my extensive poker plans there will be enough.

I am set up to play in a nice home "bar" game the day I land in this paradise city. It is quite different in Nevada than it is back here in Chicago, as you can imagine. The bars out there are allowed to host their own poker tournaments without having to worry about anything. From what I hear it is a nice, low-limit game that is sure to lead to lots of laughs, smoke-filled eyes, and more than two or three stories to tell in the morning -- and that's if I don't happen to be lucky enough to win.

This will be immediately followed up by three days of touring the card-rooms of Reno -- something I haven't had the privilege of doing up until this point. If it is anything like the rest of the city, I am sure it is bound to be a little bleary-eyed, confused, and lookin' for a good ole time.

Still not convinced it would be a good trip? Well, then let me tell you about the real gems of Reno - the dive bars.

We've all been to dive bars. I would say they have an appeal to most anyone who enjoys a good time relaxing and hanging out, right? The dingy appearance, the cheap food, the regulars and the characters -- who doesn't love them?

I hate to say it - but until I went to Reno, I never truly understood the meaning of "dive bar". You see, what I was familiar with, what you remember, what the world pictures when it thinks of a dive bar has nothing on one in Reno.

First of all, they are on every corner in Reno. They are between every corner in Reno. They are under every burning lightbulb in the town. They are everywhere. They really don't have names. They are signified by an open door. You can smell them coming.

Carding? Please, no one inside one of these places even knows what a Nevada license looks like, much less all of the other states that someone who works 10 minutes in the bar industry would see in the state of Nevada.

The bar stools? Resplendid creations complete with broken legs, torn padding, and video poker for every station.

The bartenders? Typically people who couldn't balance a cash register if they tried, make up the drinks as they go along, and don't know a shot glass from a glass pitcher.

The entertainment? Pool tables, darts, etc. All of which are used as props. Props? Well, you see, you never really get to use the equipment -- its more to aid and abet the current bar fight or wild-eyed ballyhoo that is going on at the time. My two memories of a Reno pool table were 1. playing 9-ball on it for 15 minutes, and 2. watching 6 Australian soccer hooligans scream, dance, hug and glom while standing atop it until one of them wasn't wearing pants and two of them were making out with a giddy 65 year-old bachelorette in the corner. Put that on the tourist brochure.

Wait, did I mention most of the customers come in through the back door?

Wait, did I mention that these bars are open 24 hours?

Wait, did I mention that day and night blend together in these places worse than in Alaska?

I didn't think so.

Wait, did I mention half the town is "tweaking"?


IS THAT NOT ENOUGH? Well then, do this. Google "sun-valley martini" until you find out what it is. You will be in awe.

Well, that's it. I know I have done enough to justify this trip. I'm sure there are going to be requests for people to come with me. I can imagine the emails flooding in.

Nevertheless, if any of you need me to list any other reason why to visit this place, I guess I would be remiss if I didn't mention my oldest friend lives out that way. And, no it isn't this guy. . This guy isn't as creepy. Not to say he isn't creepy looking. Which isn't necessarily something I look forward to saying, because it has been suggested that we look alike. I doubt it - my nose is 1/10th his size. And I don't think I am going as grey.

Actually, people might say that because we pretty much share a sense of humor and perspective on the world that is hard to explain. Maybe we formed it throwing pillows at his grandpa's bedroom door during sleepovers - just to see what hilarity could ensue. Maybe we formed it grilling out and throwing snowballs at Kevin Vogt. Maybe we formed it during Sachs family vacations, where I was the "other son". Maybe we formed it discussing politics all night long after randomly awkward social encounters with varying groups of friends in high school. Maybe because we both always felt a little out of place, we ran in completely different social circles, went to different schools, and sometimes didn't share one single life choice for years at a time. But all that said, we never forgot our latest joke or our earliest. We never thought there was a bad time to call - or a bad time to drop in. If I had to bail him out of jail and give up my house in the process, I would demand that he at least buy me a beer once I did. If I needed a wingman or an accomplice in crunch time, he would take the fall quicker than a Niagra canoe. He would be the first person to call that a gay analogy, and then the first person to offer up a self-directed insult of his own.

When "hey I gotta go I'm busy" means that you are actually in the middle taking customer service calls while doing a double shift after school, you know that's a good friend. When that phrase doesn't come out until 20 minutes into the story, then that's a different level. We all have friends that find it tough to squeeze time for you into their hectic lives, and they will tell you all about it. I say cheers to those few people who never say that. It's because the last thing on earth they are going to let get in the way of a friendship is time.

With that being said, on with the festivities. In slightly over two weeks, I will be living it up in the biggest little city. Remember, google sun-valley martinis.

A quick word on endgame

Last night's $25/2 NL/Hold-Em $12,000 Gauranteed Tourney on Bodog was a delightful experience - I played with some "proper villians" who really could play some cards. There were about 1 or 2 wrong moves over the course of 200 + hands, which is very impressive.

I was fortunate enough to get 18th place, one out of the $150 payout, ending up only with $81.00 to show for my efforts.

The hand that essentially eliminated me was K10. Blinds were at 1000/2000 + 350 ante, I had about 26,000 in chips, and everyone at the table was somewhere between 45,000 and 10,000. The cards folded around to me, and I was in the classic "boy this is a bad hand to lose chips on, but its good enough that you have to play with position" type of deals.

Anyway, flop comes As Js 7c, two spades showing. I'm holding none. It costs me only 2,000 to see the turn so I pay it, and sure enough make my straight with a Qs of spades. There's three spades on the table, but I'm sure that if my opponent made a flush, he'd have either checked the flop on a draw, or bet it strong. Therefore, its pretty obvious to me that at this point I'm holding the nuts - albeit in a precarious position nonetheless. I bet half the remaining stack, about 10,000. To my demise, I get called. Had the odds swung in my favor, the call would have been huge -- I would've ended up aronnd 60,000 chips at the end of the hand. However, the river comes 10 of spades.

At this point, you know its over. No one would have called that without at least holding one spade to make the best possible hand (flush).

Checked down. Guy shows. 7 of spades, (pocket 7s).

The reason I tell this story?

For those who've never done online tournaments, they not only feature a lot of good players who make money playing (at the higher dollar levels), but they also feature some tough blind structures at the end that really make decisions tough. Did I make a mistake playing JQ to begin with?


Who knows.
Until next time...

Cheat at Poker. 100% Legal!

I am about to reveal to you a foolproof way to cheat at online poker. It's totally legal and can be used at a variety of sites, such as absolute, bodog..etc. Its been working now for too long, and I feel like I must finally put a kabash to this once and for all. This is no poker scam or computer program, this is most effective form of cheating available, and I trust that you all will use this information for the greater good, instead of evil (riiiiiiggghhhht hah).





What is this?





Its so simple, its painful.











Ready?



































Yes. that's right. People are putting up pictures of hot girls as their "player faces" or "player pics" or whatever you call them. They are the images that show up around the table on the sites that allow for images.


How is this cheating? What are you suggesting? Are you suggesting that people will intentionally lose their money to players who they think are hot girls?


I am not suggesting that. I am telling you that. This is a fact.

I have many stories that completely prove this to be true, but my favorite is from a Multi-Table $50 NL/Hold-Em tourney I played a while ago. There were somewhere around 300 players in the tournament, and I ended up at a table with one player who had a picture up of a pretty attractive woman. Regardless of whether or not it was really her was besides the point.

This player, we will call her {pokergirl} - had about 1/10th the average stack with around 100 players left to go. She pushed a couple of times, even out of position, in a desperate attempt to hang around. Something kept happening.

Everyone would fold.
"NH {pokergirl}"
"{pokergirl}, where in TX are you from?"
"I'd like to see ya stick around {pokergirl}".

At first I didn't believe what I was seeing. People were folding in situations you HAD to call. People with big blinds out that were about 7/8ths the size of her whole stack. No matter what, she NEVER had to go all-in against more than one person.

Everytime someone would call her all-in, everyone after would fold religiously.

"Go {pokergirl}!"
"You are on one heckuva run baby!"
"VNH {pokergirl}"
"way to go!"


It was insane. After about an hour of this I realized, these people weren't even playing poker. I was sitting at a table of 9 (probably 10) grown men, all flirting with the photograph they saw on the screen.

"Aw thanks u guys!" she would say.
"u guyz are sweet!~@"
"nh {dumbass cracker} - ure quite a playa!"

{Pokergirl} was playing right into it, too. And loving every second of it. She/He stayed at around 1/10th - 1/15th the average stack, for WAY longer than humanly possible in a card game. Everytime someone had a chance to knock her out, it was folded. Everytime she was on the big blind, everyone became as active as Dan Harrington in a coma.

Not only were people acting directly into the interests of this {pokergirl}, but the dudes around the table even decided to have contests of manliness every 2 or 3 hands, where big stacks were going at each other with the ferocity of a wolverine, and the intelligence of a donkey.

I know poker players are often big dumb idiots. But even I never thought it would get to be this bad.


{pokergirl} never once had more chips than me at the table except once. She ended up finishing in 8th place -- not bad considering she should've been gone 3 hours before that. I ended up making a little coin as well, taking 12th place. But I left with a taste of injustice in my mouth, for I had seen the best con-job ever pulled at a poker table, and I hated {pokergirl} for it.

Why? Well, again, simple. I was mad that I didn't think of it first.


Giving your money away to a hot girl at the poker table will not help your chances of sleeping with her. Especially if the girl is 12,301 miles away, and also happens to be a 45 year-old balding man.

Deal'em

A quick foreword: I am currently working on updating this place to be more of what its intended to be. With some free time this week, I've made a little progress. Currently, things are still very much under construction. If anyone has any tips for someone teaching themselves html, please let me know. And no, I don't have time to take a course. (Though eventually I might make time)

Anyway, back to the original topic: I happen to be a poker buff. I've been playing casually since I was in the 8th grade, and yes, when Rounders came out years ago, it was the coolest thing I have ever seen.

It's possible that my feelings could be more than just an opinion too; look around the Internet, the television, anywhere, poker has been catching like wildfire ever since the movie's release.

But anyway, a while ago I wrote a quick thing on how the U.S. has basically put the axe on American poker play over the Internet. Being someone who had participated in it for many years, I was heartbroken to say the least.

Doing some research on the law, it turns out that it doesn't affect me as a player - and it is still legal for me to participate. However, sites accepting money for such games have (according to many) been banned from taking American money, and so indirectly its lead to dramatic decline in American play.

However, people have marched on and play seems to have continued on as normal, albeit now in somewhat different clothing.

As for the extent of my pursuits - I have always been what I would call a casual player. I've made money in cards, but we are taking 100s of dollars, not big bucks by any means. I play 10 dollar, 20 dollar sit-and-go tables as a general rule, and I do that usually just to make enough money to enter small-money tournaments, which I find to be by far the most entertaining form of the game.

Beyond the pocket change I've spent or earned on poker over the years, it has endeared me for a lot of sentimental reasons as well. Being a broke-ass college kid, without the time during the day to work (school/athletics), the hobby was a great way to spend time avoiding studying for unwanted exams at 1am - or a good reason to stay in and avoid partying for a night when you just didn't feel like spending the money/brain cells. A certain poker site once offered me 10 free dollars to join - which I managed to turn into 180 dollars without risking a dime. I used almost every penny of that to get Wendy's when I was hungry or chip in 10 bucks when our house needed fixing. Poker also saved me after my senior season was over. I was looking to start finding something to do with my life back in Chicago, but I didn't have much - not even enough money for a train ticket back. Poker bought me a $1000 vehicle which I drove for 6 months. It was my first vehicle purchase of my life - whatever happened to that Cutlass Cierra?

I've finished 4th out of 617 in a tournament once, I've finished first out of 10 an uncountable number of times. I've finished 12th, 10th, and 9th in tournaments that included 2000+ people. I've been up 800 bucks in one day, I've been down 200 in 2 hours. I've beaten AA heads up to stay alive, and I've lost with AA, KK, QQ, and KKoverQQQ in the same day. I am far from experienced enough to consider myself a real guru, but I'd make a great ringer as a guest at a random game.

To anyone interested in ever playing, I would definitely recommend it. However, remember these things:

1) It takes some time (about 10,000 hands) to really get a feel for.

2) It's extremely fun and addicting.

3) It takes a good deal of poise. Because, you will get completely screwed about 10000 times. You will also get your fair share of luck along the way.

4) In the end, it's a game of skill. The better you get, the better you will do. You are likely to lose money for a while before you make it.

If this seems like something you would be interested in, go for it man. I think you'll have a great time. How do you go about getting started?

Well, like I said before, depending on where you are from, there are some places that you can, can't and shouldn't go. I will say this:

1) You should be safe and cautious. Start only with sites that are recommended, like PartyPoker, PacificPoker, Bodog, PokerStars, Absolute Poker...etc. If you haven't heard of it from somewhere before, don't use the service.

2) Spend only what you can afford to lose. It isn't gambling, but you gotta treat it like gambling, know what I mean? Don't go in expecting it to be an ATM machine for you, especially if you are new.

3) Keep it entertainment. Play big stakes, small stakes, no stakes - whatever. But always keep it as entertainment. I'm not big on poker professionals. Listen, there are a lot of ways you can make a living in the world and do some constructive good at the same time. Spending 10 hours a day playing cards doesn't seem to me like a great way to do either.

Check out some of the blogs linked on here. You'll read some funny stuff about cards. Like the time I lost 75 bucks with KKK/AA to four of a kind 3's, ran around the room punching myself and doing somersaults around the room in agony.